Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Journey through the Kingdom of the Nerd

"In a land of myth, and a time of magic… the destiny of the kingdom of nerds rests on the shoulders of a Noob."

noun: allegory; plural noun: allegories
  1. a story, poem, or picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning.

The Beginning

The journey to the kingdom of the nerd is long and arduous, with many triumphs and failures along the way.  Our Hero will have to overcome trolls, giants, the dreaded couch potato, and unfortunately other citizens of the kingdom.  When a new citizen begins he starts at the lowest rank in the kingdom's caste system, a Noob.  Noobs are the most hated characters both inside and outside the kingdom.  Why are Noobs so hated you ask?  Well the Noob is basically a Muggle, yes I stole that from Harry Potter,  and muggles do not have any knowledge or special skills that benefit the kingdom.    They are hated by the Muggles because they have chosen to pursue a different path, one not easily understood by the average Muggle.  As a result Noob is often an outcast by the citizens of the Nerd Kingdom and the Muggles. 

What is Noob to do?

Upon first entering the kingdom Noobs are lost without a guide through the wildlands that await. Noobs just know that something special is contained within.    How is a Noob supposed to find refuge in new unfamiliar, and often hostile, territory.   The first thought a Noob has is to ask for help and directions,  but what Noobs do not yet know is that the citizens of the Kingdom have seen many failed Noobs cross their path and they are tired of answering basic questions.  Noobs will often find their question returned with another, often shouted phrase "Did you Read the Friggin Manual? (RTFM) "   To which Noob replies what manual?

Noobs must press on until they finally discovers a wise guide.  If the Noob is not resiliant enough to find either a guide they often turn back from the borderlands and resume their role as a Muggle.   However, if the Noob is fortunate enough to have a guide the way become a little clearer, even though they will still face many hardships along the path. 

Realms in the Kingdom

Early in the journey Noobs will need to find the correct path for their destiny   Luckily, if the Noob does not make the correct choice the paths between realms are interconnected and weave and intersect with most of the other paths.   When paths cross Noobs can reroute and go to different realms if they choose.  In the list below you will discover the descriptions of the Major realms and the appropriate guide for each realm. 

Halls of Science
Within the Halls of Science a Noob can discover the wonders of the universe from the reason the wind blows a peculiar way to the workings of  a distant Sun.   The hall of science seeks to understand the machanics of every aspect of the universe and since the universe is such a complex and divergent place the Noob who wants to travel to this realm needs a powerful guide.
Guide - The Noob needs to seek the help of the Science Magician.  The Science Magician is a powerful guide,  they have the power to spark the imagination and unlock the secrets of the universe. 

Forests of Technology
The forests of technology are places of creativity and veiled complexity.   The forest is ever changing.  Trees bloom and blossom and other die away both in their own beautiful way.   You can never experience the forest the same because of its ever changing nature. If you leave the forest for a time and then return, expect everything in the forest to have changed.   Time appears to flow differently in the forest than other relams.
Guide - The Noob interested in this realm should seek the help of a Technology Elf.  These Elves are feasome when first encounterd.  A Noob would consider the Elven folk to be dangourous and at the very least contentious.  However if the Noob stands their ground and wins favor with the Elves they can influence every realm in the Kingdom.  

The Caves of Engineers
The engineering caves are wondrous places and not nearly as dark and gloomy as they first appear.   The caves are filled with any machanical device that can be conceived.   Around each bend in the cave a Noob can find delightful and pragmatic tokens used by all realms in the Kingdom.   In fact all other realms in the Kingdom spawned from the Caves.   Without the Engineering caves the kindom would be a desolate wasteland. 
Guide - The Noob interested in this realm should dig until they find an Engineering Dwarf.   The Dwarves are a peculiar people.  They are rugged and brash because they know the kingdom was built through their labor and dedication.   The Dwarves are excellent miners and can take the concepts from any other realm and transfrom them from ideas into a physical reality.  

The Meadows of Art
The meadows of art are beautific and fanciful places and are often not truly understood for their place in the kingdom.   That being said the meadows have an integral place in the kindom because the art and beauty in the meadows inspire the creativity and beauty in the other realms.  
Guide - The Noob interested in this realm should seek to capture the attention of the Art Faeries.  The Faeries often flit from one realm to another learning enough from each and creating beautiful works of art to explain the intricacies to the Muggles.

Infinite Towers of Mathematics 
The Infinite Towers are complex and confusing, but the knowledge they pursue is the fundamental language of the universe.   The work of the tower is glorious to the Noob who is truly interested.  With the knowledge gained they can understand and predict the movements of the universe or explain the movements of the Muggles.   The Towers are visited often by the Magicians, Dwarves, Elves and Faeries.   All other realms consult the towers when they perform their peculiar invention  magic.
Guide - The Noob who wants to pursue the knowledge of the tower should seek counsel with a Maths Wizard.   The wizard will teach Noob the basics of Mathematics, the language of the universe.   Once the wizard decides Noob has mastered the basics, the wizard will guide Noob further into the Towers and teach Noob the different dialects spoken within the towers.  As Noob navigates the towers and gains knowledge they may gain the opportunity to build their own wing of the tower.

Facing the Dangers of the Kingdom 

"Beware beyond this point there be dragons"
As Noob progresses through the realms not every person they meet within the Kingdom is a worthy guide.   They may meet individuals in the kingdom who would entice the Noob to exploit the Muggles, give them items that will steal their time and cause them to stumble on the Journey. 

The Islands of the Couch Potato
On the surface the islands are beautiful places and are often visited for entertainmant by the citizens of the kingdom.  The island offers many immersive games and moving pictures that are extremely enjoyable;  however, time flows differently on the islands than in the rest of the kingdom.   An unsuspecting noob can lose weeks, months, years on the islands in what feels like an instant.   The  dangers of the island are many and range from the physical health of the noob to the mental stability.  

The Valley of Theives
The knowledge of the kingdom can be used for the good of the kingdom or if used improperly to exploit and harm the Muggles.   If they are not careful the Noob can descend into the Valley of theives and never reach their full potential.  The valley is populated with callous, dishonest Noobs who failed to understand the proper use of the kingdoms knowledge.  There are two dangers in the valley:  either the noob can fall victim to the thieves or even worse be enticed to join the thieves themselves.   If the noob joins the thieves they might gain great power and wealth but will never advance the kingdom.  

The Troll Hordes

The kingdom is riddled with horrible ugly trolls who wish to either devour the Noob or sending them screaming back to the land of the muggles.   Trolls are corrupted Noobs who lost their way and never learned that the purpose of the Kingdom is to advance the lives of the Muggles and for the knowledge of the Kingdom. As Noobs begin to pursuee their path they will undoubtedly wish to share their new knowledge through the magical communications network.   Often the unsuspecting Noob will be ambushed by the trolls and their work will be trashed and destroyed.   The Trolls only purpose is to belittle, harass, and ruin other Noobs.   Do not feed the Trolls,  If you engage the troll in any way they will attack even harder.   The troll loves the fight and is only deterred by being ignored. 

The Wasteland of Weaponry
This wasteland can be found anywhere Dwarves congregate.  While the area appears like a valid part of the kingdom it's only real purpose is to ultimately destroy the kingdom, the muggles and the universe.   The people of the wasteland think themselves to be good and honorable and believe they are protecting the kingdom with their efforts.   They are mistaken and have failed to realize their real purpose is pure destruction. 

Final thoughts...

As mentioned at the beginning of this tale the road through the Kingdom is long and arduous.   If you are a noob seek out the guides you need to fulfill your destiny.  If you are already a resident work to become a good and generous guide for your realm.   While it is true that Noobs are annoying you must remember that you were once a Noob as well.  Help as many Noobs as you can because one may well be the next great Lord of the Kingdom.